5 Toxic Friends you need to Strangle out of your life NOW!!!

You've got some serious dead weight in your social circle.  It's time to cut it loose!  No mercy!


Friend Who Talks About Herself
When you asked how she was, you didn’t realize it was going to be a whole thing about her Mother.  Then it’s like she’s got a story for everything.  And you have a way worse Mother and way better stories.  Strangle this person out of your life before she suffocates you with her conversation!

Friend Who Wants Stuff Back
You’re going to give her stuff back, but just not right now-now.  You don’t remember hearing there being some time limit on borrowing the stuff.  And frankly, her stuff looks wayyyy better on you.  Keep the stuff.  Press Ignore Always.

Health Crazed Friend 
She doesn’t wear make-up or a bra--because she doesn’t think she needs to!  She drinks so much kale juice, you don’t want to know what her BM’s look like!  And yoga pants aren’t pants, by the way.  Ditch her.

Friend with Weird Teeth
Your friend with the weird teeth is ruining ALL of your pictures on Instagram.  Hasn’t she ever heard of an orthodontist?  Like hello, braces already.  Don’t wait around to see what she’s got stuck in those weird teeth today--NEVER answer her texts.

Sick Friend
You get it.  She’s sick. She can’t do things like the rest of us. There’s maybe no cure.  Why is she holding you back?  No, you don’t want to sit around and read magazines while she waits for a call from the organ donor people.  Don’t feel bad, she might be contagious.  Quarantine this friend from your fun times!

Burn the Fat--LITERALLY with RealFire© in 9 simple steps

Before you reject this awesome idea of fat burning with RealFire©, like go: oh, I'm afraid of RealFire©, or won't RealFire© hurt?  Think about how IMPOSSIBLE it is to burn fat through exercise.  Like, crunches? Seriously?

Okay, let's do this!

1. With a Sharpie© or a RealKnife©, mark all fat on your body you want to burn off literally.
2. Move away from all flammable things in your home. like your mattress, your lady magazines, your lap dogs.  I'm thinking you do this in the tub or a garage.
3.Get matches.
4. Call 911, tell them someone has been horrifically burned and to hurry on over.
5. Be that someone!  Use RealFire© to get the flames really going.
6. Make sure you eat.  I should have said that earlier.  Just, you're going to smell delicious is all.
7. After you've burned your fat, don't listen to others when they say you look terrible.  Don't listen to friends or the paramedics.  If your family cries, it's because they are jealous.
8. Tell them you will never do it again.
9. Do it again in six months when your skin heals.